The Old Dun Cow

Some friends and I in a public house
Was playin' dominoes one night
When into the pub a fireman ran
His face all a chalky white.
"What's up", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,
Or have you seen your Aunt Mariah?"
"Me Aunt Mariah be buggered!", says he,
"The bleedin' pub's on fire!"

"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck.
Everybody follow me.
And it's down to the cellar, if the fire's not there
Then we'll have a grand old spree."
So we went on down after good old Brown
The booze we could not miss
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
Till we were quite like this...

Chorus:
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' on the door (clap clap)
Oh don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
And somebody shouted MacIntyre! MACINTYRE!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.

Then, Smith walked over to the port wine tub
And gave it just a few hard knocks (clap clap)
Started takin' off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks.
"Hold on, " says Brown, "that ain't allowed
Ya cannot do that in here.
Don't go washin' trousers in the good port wine
When we’ve plenty of Budweiser beer."

Chorus

And then there came a hell of a crash
Half the bloody roof caved in.
We were almost drowned in the firemen's hose
Though we were almost happy
So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks
And we tacked ourselves inside
And we sat there getting bleary-eyed drunk
While the Old Dun Cow caught fire...

Chorus